Men - Thick As a Brick?
By David M. Matthews
Men have many positive qualities: We are fairly simple in our needs, and typically pretty easy to please. We generally are straight-forward in our approach to things and our agenda is usually obvious (except when we’re trying to get you into bed the first time - then we are as deceptively manipulative and insincere as a career politician). One quality we are lacking, however, is the ability to read non-verbal clues from the opposite sex. When it comes to being sensitive to body language, subtext or nuanced meanings, we are not only clueless, we are just this side of brain-dead. Thus it is no exaggeration when I say that when it comes to subtlety and innuendo, sadly, my brethren and I can be thick as a brick.
So what does that mean for you? Well, first of all, it means that anytime you want to communicate something to us, you need to make your request absolutely clear. Let’s say you’re out on a date with a guy you’re interested in. You think he likes you, too, so you do your best to give him subtle clues that you would be receptive to him giving you a lip lock. Despite your best efforts, however, he isn’t responding to the numerous “kiss-me” signals you’re sending him, so you start thinking he must not be into you. Wrong! He’s probably been fantasizing about kissing you (along with other, more prurient desires) since he first asked you out. But chances are he’s missed ninety percent of the signals you sent him, and the ten percent he did notice, he badly misread. So what do you do? Well, if you still are interested in swapping saliva, you’ve got a few choices: 1) You could keep doing what you’re doing and pray something clicks in his brain and his lips execute an assertive maneuver; 2) You could be pro-active and just lean in and lay one on him; or 3) You could stroke his hair, lean in close…then do something that he can’t possibly misinterpret - like saying, “I’d like you to kiss me.” Sure it’s bold and artless, but even he will understand your request. And it’s a request that is very unlikely to be ignored or refused. So, you get to make out with your admittedly dense date, and he gets to start strategizing about getting to second base. Win-win.
And how about further down the line in your relationship when you want something from him? Now that you’ve gotten past that awkward introductory period, certainly he will be more sensitive to your non-verbal cues and unspoken desires. Don’t count on it. When it comes to “reading between the lines,” most of us are basically illiterate. So, if you’d like your guy to get you a particular gift for your birthday, don’t drop hints. Be blunt about what you want, and be as detailed as possible. While I know at first it may seem somewhat crass and unseemly, trust me when I say that with some men, it is the only way you’ve got even a chance of getting what you want. That is not to say that on his own he might not get you something you will truly treasure. That absolutely could happen. Men are often considerate and thoughtful without prodding or instruction. But if your heart’s desire is specific, don’t beat around the bush, tell him.
Please don’t misinterpret this as any kind of indictment on men and their communication skills. We’re very good at expressing ourselves when it’s important to us (like when we want food, sex, or sleep). And we’re equally adept at understanding what you say, as long as you are clear in your meaning and you actually say it out loud. Unlike you, however, we’re really abysmal at interpreting vague references, allusions, hints or insinuations. And we are totally oblivious to the language of posture, movement, and gestures - unless, of course, out of frustration with our cluelessness, you flip us the bird. That’s a non-verbal communication that even we understand.
© 2010 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.
David M. Matthews - Relationship Advice Guru and Author of:
“Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think”
http://www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com
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