Healthy Relationship Secrets - The Difference Between Self-Ware and Self-Conscious
By Seth Czerepak

Healthy relationships begin with self-awareness, but self-consciousness can destroy your ability to interact confidently with others. Okay, Yoda…what the heck is the difference between the two? Actually, there’s a HUGE difference, and once you have a clear understanding of this difference, you’ll be able to snap right out of self-consciousness and build genuine confidence through self-awareness. Keep reading…

The Two Faces of Pride

Pride is a cancer to healthy relationships. It takes all of the focus off of building the relationship and puts it on one person. When this happens, the relationship becomes one sided and the other person starts putting their walls up to protect themselves from being taken for granted or being hurt. Pride and self-consciousness are directly related, in fact you could even consider them the same concept called by a different name. So what causes pride and how do you overcome it?

Pride is caused by being absorbed in oneself, and that doesn’t always mean absorbed in how great you are. Self-absorbed people are more often absorbed in their own shortcomings than they are in their strengths. This is the person who is afraid to interact genuinely with others because of what those others might think. This is the person who is always putting themselves down, and who (to some) might be considered to be shy or timid.

However, shyness and timidity both come from being absorbed in one’s own imperfections. Such people are always thinking of themselves and how horrible they are, and this can be just as bad (if not worse) than the puffed up “I’m better than everyone else” pride. As long as a person is proud and self-absorbed, they will never be able to build genuine confidence…at best, they can fake it, but they’ll always have the inner fear of being “found out.”

So, how can you escape this and build confidence based on self-awareness?

The Root of Genuine Confidence

Self-awareness is knowing who you are without being absorbed in who you are. People who are self-aware seek to understand themselves better, but not for the sake of validating themselves to others or invalidating themselves to others for fear that others will feel unimportant. In other words, people who are self-aware seek understanding for the sake of consistently growing and improving themselves, not for the reward of social validation.

This requires the acceptance of both your strengths AND your “weaknesses” and accepting them both as a part of who you are. This is how a person becomes integrated and mature, and this is the foundation of finding and keeping healthy relationships.

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Rank - How Power and Privilege Affect Our Relationships
By Tim Spalding

Have you ever wondered why you sometimes feel inferior to or put down by a someone, and then notice that another time they are reacting to you as though you were superior to them or putting them down? Rank differences are the key contributor to conflicts and their escalation. Having rank awareness gives you an insight into what is happening in a conflict.

Arnold Mindell developed the concept of rank to bring awareness to the process where people feel more or less powerful in any given situation at any particular moment. Rank differences and the misuse or abuse of rank is behind all social situations and contributes to all conflicts. Having awareness of your own rank helps you to understand why you may feel less powerful or abused by someone with higher rank. Having awareness of your higher rank can lessen the likelihood of your using it in a way that is experienced as hurtful or abusive by someone of lower rank. High rank can be used in a positive way if a person is conscious of their high rank and can occupy it congruently.

Rank is described as the sum total of a person’s power and privileges at any given moment. You earn some of your power and privilege over your life, by facing life’s challenges and overcoming them. Some rank is unearned; you acquire it by birth or social position. Rank is not constant and can change from moment to moment in a particular situation.

A person who has lower rank will notice rank and experience it more acutely than a person with higher rank. People with higher rank can be unaware or unconscious of their rank. If you are unaware of your rank, it is more likely to be experienced as abusive by someone else. Rank is neither good nor bad - it just is. Becoming more aware of your rank reduces your likelihood of abusing it.

Rank is demonstrated through signals such as posture, tone of voice, volume of speech, clothing, language and gestures. You cannot hide your rank, it will come out in double-signals; you may be saying one thing but your body language will be telling a different story.

Rank can be divided into different types:

Social Rank is generally unearned, and its relative powers and privileges are supported by social norms. They cover areas such as gender, class, ethnicity, colour, wealth, nationality and education.

Local or Situated Rank arises in a particular situation and is specific to an individual’s position in that situation. Someone’s high social rank may not apply in a particular social situation such as the workplace.

Psychological/Spiritual Rank is the power that you gain from life experiences, particularly overcoming and surviving difficult and challenging situations; or it may come from a feeling of connection to a higher power or to nature/the environment, etc.

Within an organisation or workplace, local rank issues are going to be to the fore. Organisations have hierarchies, and people with more authority will have higher rank. Differences in pay, authority, responsibility will all come into play. Who has the biggest office, where someone’s desk is situated, what resources they have access to will also affect a persons feeling of power, security and wellbeing. Cultural norms within the organisation will also come into play. Particular forms of behaviour or ways of thinking will be valued differently; some more highly; some will be disapproved of.

Rank affects the way that people interact with each other. It affects the level of trust people have of each other and it affects how safe they feel with each other. It affects the way that they can and will have conflict with each other.

Don’t get judgemental about your rank or the rank of others; there is nothing you can actually do about your rank. You can, however, do something about how youuse your rank. If you are in a high rank situation, use it positively. Be aware of it and the advantages it gives you and use these advantages in a positive way.

By becoming more aware of your rank and the rank of others can shed a lot of light on the relationship dynamic and behaviour in an organisation, workplace or team. You can start by taking stock of your own rank and then looking at how that may be affecting your behaviour and reactions to others. If this is done by others in your organisation or team, and shared and talked about it can radically change the way you interact and behave.

Taking stock of your Rank

The purpose of this exercise is to become more aware of your own rank so that you can own it and use it more consciously. You can do the first part of this exercise on your own. If you want you can use it with your team or a group that you are part of.

Part 1

What rank do you identify with? Be specific about situations in which you have:

* Social rank

* Situational/Local rank

* Psychological/Spiritual rank

Write the answers down and think about how they make you feel or act. Make some notes

Part 2

Talk to someone else about doing this exercise. Start by celebrating your rank. Remember that rank just is and that by occupying it and using it consciously people with lower rank will be less affected in a negative way

* Feedback to the whole group and discuss

* How does rank affect relationships in this.

Tim Spalding is a coach and mediator with Knockalla Consulting, http://www.knockalla.net.

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Psychic Love Power - Does This Actually Exist?
By Tina L. Jones

How can you know if psychic love power actually exists? Doesn’t your guy always tell you exactly what he’s thinking? Is there any way to read his mind and find out if he is communicating his true feelings with you? Actually, you don’t need psychic love power to figure that out; simply look for these three signs and his real emotions will be uncovered for you.

There are microscopes that appear from his actions which will allow you to see inside your guy’s heart. It doesn’t matter if he is trying to keep them hidden; neither if he is trying to deceive you. Actions don’t lie - and these are no exception to that rule.

His smile

No guy can fake a genuine smile and get away with it for very long. Just look at his countenance after his favorite team wins a game. Remember it, and see if it matches how he looks when you meet him for a date after not seeing him for a few days. He might not leap for joy and start screaming, but his smile should look similar to the one he had on game day.

If there is no match, you might be the recipient of his fake smile. There might be trouble brewing beneath the surface. Here, psychic love power here is not necessary. He has probably grown complacent with your relationship.

He includes you in his life

Has your relationship been secluded away from his personal and professional life? If you guy isn’t introducing you to his work colleagues and family, there must be a reason. A guy who is truly in love will want to show you off to the world and let them know that you’re his. Your man will also talk about you positively to others and be your biggest fan.

He puts your needs above his own

If you can honestly say that you’ve seen your guy go without something so you can get something you want, then you will know he is in love. For example, does he refrain from purchasing new clothes so you will have more money for a new outfit?

It could even be as small as letting you snack on the last Oreo. If you have experienced this type of sacrifice, you have found a man that would be great husband material. Otherwise, you could be in for a lifetime of selfishness to deal with.

Look for these signs, and others, to figure out what he is really feeling and you won’t have to rely on psychic love power…deep down you will already know the truth about him.

Want to learn more? Go to: 77 Secrets of Love and learn how to make him fall in love with you hopelessly.

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This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

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Nobody Loves Me - How A Change In Mindset Can Help You Find Love
By Hayley Amber Cox

Are you feeling unloved?

Do you find yourself alone in life, friendless and isolated?

Feelings like this are not unusual, and in truth most people will have felt like this at some point in their lives.

There is nothing wrong with being alone, of course. For some people it’s a necessity, a lifestyle choice to spend the majority of their time alone.

Then there are others who would rather be in a relationship, or to have more friends, but find that for some reason they cannot and typically, they blames themselves. More importantly, they blame the way they look, and this is nearly always a huge misconception.

Once a person becomes fixed with the mindset that their psychical appearance prevents other people from getting close to them, they risk being locked into a downward spiral which will inevitably result in isolation.

They key to escaping from this vicious circle is to use the most important tool you have in your possession, the thing which, when used properly, can create an extraordinary life, the like of which you had only dared to dream about.

Ultimately, if you seek acceptance and happiness from anywhere other than yourself, you are likely to find it permanently elusive.

This works on the same principle that hating someone else damages only yourself.

Allowing yourself to be affected by the perceived judgment of others is a futile and erroneous outlook which can easily be overcome with simple techniques, so easily, in fact, it’s a wonder that so many people struggle on in a state of near despair.

Discover easy techniques to help you achieve happiness and escape loneliness at http://nobodylovesme.biz/

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Dating Tips for Men - What To Do When She Seems to Be Pulling Away From You
By Chris Tyler

Lots of guys have had this experience. They are talking, flirting and getting to know a woman. And things seem to be going good until, in a blink of an eye, it starts to seem like she is pulling away from you. When this happens, it’s easy to get caught up thinking that you have to do something immediately to bring her attention back where it belongs, which is on YOU. How are you going to do this is the big question, though.

Most men will make it pretty obvious that they are starting to get desperate to bring her attention back on them. And because of that air of desperation, chances are she will pull away for good, and that will be the end of the interaction for you. Want to know what you should be doing in a situation like that?

Here are some dating tips for men on what to do when she starts to pull away:

1. Don’t sweat it so much.

The less it seems to bother you or even be a big deal at all, the better. You don’t want to have things going good and then lose that because you suddenly become desperate to keep her attention on you. All that will do is to work against you, and then you are dealing with a tough hand to play. Just think of it like this: if you truly were successful with women, it would not matter so much, because you would have other options. So, act like this is the case.

2. Pull away from her first.

This is something that most guys are not willing to do, it’s counter intuitive, and it will kind of leave her in a state of shock, in a good way. See, most guys do let it become apparent that they notice she is pulling away, and so, they push harder and try to keep her there. If YOU are the one that pulls away, then you have kind of turned the tables on her, and like I said, most women are not used to this and it will make a good impression on her.

3. Engage her in an interesting and captivating story.

One of the easiest ways to keep a woman’s attention locked on you is to get her caught up in a captivating story that you are telling her. As long as you are not a boring story teller, this usually works, because most people are going to want to hear the end of the story, they are not going to walk away in the middle of you telling it.

Want to get more advanced dating tips for men so that you know exactly what to do to keep a woman hooked on YOU?

Click Here to Get Your FREE Report on How to Approach, Attract, and Date Beautiful Women…

Copyright © 2010 Chris Tyler All Rights Reserved.

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Expert Tips on Texting Etiquette for Mobile Dating
By Kandpal Subhash

Do not guess- If a text is vague, wait until you meet your date face to face and then ask him/her what the heck they were talking about. Texts messages leave so much ambiguity that it is easy for you to let wishful thinking take over you. When you receive a text message that makes no sense to you, respond with ‘Let’s talk later!’

Do not use abbreviation- Being brief in mobile text messages is good but try to use terms and symbols that are commonly known and used by most people.

Do not be a tease- Flirting over mobile dating is all fun provided you are honest about your feelings. And in case you are not then you run the risk of raising someone’s expectations and hurting his/her feelings. You may even end up attracting an unwanted admirer.

Do not text angry- Do not attempt to resolve a volatile situation by texting your date. A limited character burst will create a hot mess for you that might get difficult for you to clean up.

Do not be rude or break bad news- Breaking up by texting may be easy but it is not good for your reputation. Try to avoid it.

Mobile dating texting do’s

Do text sweet nothings- With a hectic schedule in hand, it can be hard for you to pick up the phone and call your date. A short ‘Thinking of You’ mobile text can make your date feel suddenly happy.

Does text before your first date- Most people feel that they would be more comfortable on their first date if they previously had exchanged text messages. However, try to keep your pre-date text communication light and funny.

Do respond As Soon As Possible- Always remember that if you do not reply back to a message within an hour or so, your date will assume that he/she is being ignored. In case you do not have time to answer to their text, reply with something like ‘I am busy. Will get back to you soon.’

So texting while mobile dating is a great way to communicate with your date. However it involves just as much etiquette as during any other mode of communication. Observing the above simple mobile dating texting rules can mean the world to your date. Try them out and feel the difference!

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