How Will I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back Without Frightening Him Away Forever by Stephen Francis

There are a myriad of different hints and tips that you can follow if you’re asking yourself ‘How will I get my ex boyfriend back?’ and your primary aspiration is not to frighten him away. Break ups undoubtedly do happen, whether we have a tendency to like them or not, but a massive number of relationships will be rekindled if you’re taking the proper steps to rekindle them without overdoing it. Here are 5 quick tips for learning how you’ll be able to get your ex boyfriend back.

1) If you are asking ‘How can I get my ex boyfriend back without frightening him away?’, then the first step in the process needs to be to analyze and study him. You would like to be paying special attention when you talk to him, and watch out about what he says and the way you respect. As a result of you’re no longer seeing each other, an interesting facade is going to be created between you. You need to read more deeply into what he’s saying to you, and what he is not saying to you, to get a clear cut plan of where everything stands.

2) Be on the look out instead of being jealous. The simplest way to figure out how he is feeling about you following an occasion up, and the best way to figure out what your probabilities are with him after the split, is to work out how he reacts when he’s around other women. Does he put you down within the presence of other ladies? Does he stab you in the back, or will he get up for you? You will never get straight answers, but he is most likely offering plenty of delicate hints in public.

3) If you are asking ‘How can I get my ex boyfriend back without frightening him away?’ then you actually need to avoid the mind games. It’s hard to be reserved and avoid playing games with an ex, but because signals are so vital when it comes to regenerating an old flame, it’s completely very important that you simply emit the correct signals, instead of playing with him. Let him apprehend how you’re feeling, subtlety, but with sincerity.

4) Keep your cards close to your chest to achieve a footing over him. Power is key in all aspects of life, together with love and relationships. Being honest instead of taking part in mind games is totally essential, but that doesn’t mean you ought to confess your undying fondness for him, because this is often a sure fire approach to extinguish the flame once and for all.

5) Make sure of yourself, or improve yourself. Regardless of who was accountable for the breakup, it is important to run away from it with a would like to improve yourself. If you wish him to regret his decision, work to remain in shape and create improvements to your life, and he can notice these encouraging changes and start to want you back again. Typically it really is this simple.

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Making Romantic Pick Up Lines Work - Appearance by Gary DeWitt

ALWAYS look your best. I know this sounds REALLY obvious but you’d be surprised by how many men don’t understand the importance of this simple tip. You never know when the girl of your dreams will turn up, or where. And it’s become a bit of a cliché because it’s true — first impressions really do count.

Here are some figures to consider from my studies.

If you make a GOOD first impression on a woman, you have a 90% chance of EVER getting with her at that point (10% of women for whatever reason will be unreachable for most men at ANY point – she might like women herself etc).

If you make a BAD first impression your chances with her reduce drastically to just 20%. This means that to make her attracted to you AFTER the first 3 minutes of meeting her will be incredibly difficult if her first impressions of you were bad.

It’s the difference between climbing a mountain and using a helicopter to fly up one. Good first impressions means you’re on your way to the top in the helicopter, bad first impressions means you have a difficult climb to success – no helicopters for you.

Honestly, I can’t stress this enough — always try to look your best.

Tiff’s 5 S’s of first impressions.

Shave. Shower. Stylish. Smell. Shoes.

Remember these 5 S’s and always take care of them before you go out.

Why are shoes my number 5 S?

Your shoes are the FIRST thing a woman really notices about your clothing and hence your appearance. Make sure your shoes are clean and fashionable.

What you wear is very important. I could try to recommend a certain look but as with all things fashionable by the time you read this it may have changed.

Get the latest GQ magazine or other fashionable men’s magazine’s and imitate the styles you see there — most women don’t really care what labels you are wearing as long as you look good so you don’t have to spend the Earth on clothing.

Many guys I help dress better usually comment on how strange they feel wearing clothes they are uncomfortable in, but nine times out of 10 they start to feel natural and even confident wearing their new wardrobe within days.

Make sure you smell good. Again this is extremely important. Remember how you feel when a woman walks by you and she smells soooo good - you feel an instant attraction even though you don’t know her - well, that’s how women feel too.

Wear a good-quality cologne, but don’t spray too much.

One squirt on both sides of the neck, and one squirt on both wrists — maximum. You don’t want to smell too overpowering.

I recommend cool water by Davidoff or John Paul Gautier for Men (often called JPG love juice because women love it) if they don’t sell it where you are try to order some from abroad, this stuff is GREAT!

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Dating Advice: Top 5 Phrases to Put the Man You Are Dating at Ease by Emily Heart

We all like to be around people who make us feel good about ourselves, and that goes for men as much as for women. When you’re dating a man, a few choice phrases can go a long way to making him feel more confident, attractive and wanted. Here are the top 5 feel-good phrases to keep that sparkle in his eye through dating and beyond!

1. ‘Will you help me open this?’

It may not be all that politically correct to point this out, but helping women out with certain kinds of simple but traditionally male-type tasks can make a man feel more manly, macho and noble. There’s no need to ask the man you are dating for help with things you can manage by yourself, but when you could do with his assistance, don’t shy away from asking for it.

2. ‘You’re not losing your hair’

A lot of men are surprisingly sensitive about the issue of hair loss. If necessary, a little white lie on this front is sure to boost his spirits. ‘Is my hair getting thinne” is the male equivalent of the question ‘does my bum look big in this?’ - the answer has to be: ‘No - of course not!’ In any case, if his hair is thinning, there’s not all that much he can do about it, so there really isn’t any point in him worrying.

3. ‘You look good today’

Women may talk more often about their body worries, but men often have anxieties about their looks, just as we do (they just prefer to keep them to themselves!). Typically, men may worry about whether their clothes look right for the dating occasion, if their tummy looks too big and whether their facial hair is in good shape. Complimenting his appearance as soon as you see him will put all those fears to rest - giving him the opportunity to focus all that attention on you!

4. ‘You’re right’

It is easy to get into the habit of pointing out someone’s mistakes when they’re talking to you. This can be an important part of a lively discussion and playfulness, but we all like to be right from time to time. If you let the man you are dating know you think he is right about certain things (as long as you actually do think so), it will give him confidence to speak his mind, and it will let him know you are happy to be on his side.

5. ‘I love it when you do that’

Communication is very valuable when it comes to intimacy and this is the perfect way to guide the man you are dating while letting him initiate the behaviour in the first place - thus giving him the impression of being in charge in a manly way. If you like it when he strokes your hair or whispers something in your ear, for example, tell him so. This will make him feel like a man and give him the confidence to initiate your favourite kinds of intimate gestures more often. Keep giving him this kind of positive feedback and the results will speak for themselves.

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Cute Pick Up Lines for Dating by Addison Kross

Making a good first impression is an essential skill for those that hope to enjoy a successful dating life. For those singles that are happy to remain so for any period of time, this skill is even more vital to their social life.

Knowing which type of conversation starters to choose when approaching another person requires many different components in order to assure the best chance that the chosen words will be well received. One key element that any person hoping to improve their skills should posses is that of keen observation. Taking note of the details which may help you to craft the perfect opening phrase may just be your ticket to winning over the interest of others.

Originality Twist:

Anyone who has been on the dating scene for a time knows all too well how often cheesy pick up lines or corny pick up lines get repeated. The objective is often to make the chosen person laugh, therefore breaking the ice and leading into conversation. Unfortunately, these lines are so over used that they have lost a lot of their appeal and may only result in negative responses.

That is not to say that some of the most well know pick up lines aren’t still usable, but in order to make them special you might want to include your own sense of originality into the phrase. Blending familiar funny pick up lines with details about the situation, the person you’re interested in, or yourself can be hugely beneficial in creating the perfect opening phrase.

One of the most widely known and commonly used phrases in dating is “Can I buy you a drink?” The opening is simple and familiar in meaning to most people, so the message is instantly clear. Unfortunately the phrase is also boring and uncreative; giving no hint of what type of person is using it. This classic also gives no indication as to why one person finds another attractive or interesting, which yet again causes the line to come across as mediocre. Rearranging the phrase around more original subject matter might just get the reaction you’re hoping for.

When looking for key elements to splice into a phrase it is important to take note of the many details that could offer the observant single some aid.

* A description of how you interpret the drink and the qualities in a person you might associate with such a choice might be creative way to start a conversation.

* Asking someone why they chose their drink, what qualities it posses that they enjoy and then inquiring about whether or not they might like to join you in having another, could be an excellent way to begin a conversation. Trying the drink yourself on someone’s recommendation can also be a great ice breaker.

* Offering to choose a drink for someone you find interesting, based on particular qualities that you think they might posses, mirrored in the drink can be an excellent use of creativity. This type of strategy is bold, which shows self confidence; this opening can also be considered one of the more romantic pick up lines because it shows that you have interest in the person’s traits as well as their appearance.

Using your own sense of style and any details which may reveal themselves only in each particular situation, you can turn any worn out ice breaker into something that will make others take notice of you and peak their interest.

Digital Sparks:

Though many strategies for conversations online differ from those in person, the necessity to stand apart from the crowd is still every bit as important. When using chat up lines you are facing even greater odds that anything you type has already been tested while also risking a loss of interest from those you’re trying to impress. Altering some common internet chat openers may just keep the focus on what you’re saying, rather than forcing someone to perceive your messages as the general standard.

Despite the fact the competition online might be greater than in person, those who choose this dating method also have the advantage when it comes to information. Most online singles are able to browse through profiles, forums or tailor-made pages devoted to the individual before finding it necessary to spark a conversation.

Making good use of your peek into a person’s life, interests and personality can allow you to consider some creative ways to approach. Those who take the time to consider the individual they choose to show interest when attempting to make contact often find that their chatting and flirting online flows smoothly and may quickly allow for deeper or steamier connections.

Chat and Burn:

Using the same strategy to hit on others will often result in your usage of what others consider to be the worst pick up lines. Steering clear of anything you know to be too cliche or too general can help you to avoid rejection.

Consider that the words you choose to begin with reflect how much effort you’re willing to put into any type of relationship, be it casual or long-term. If you should show that not only are you willing to use the same, tired out strategies that others have been using for decades, but that you aren’t even willing to attempt to mingle this strategy with some creative techniques it should be no surprise that most of the results are fair to poor.

Taking the time to craft a more original way of beginning a conversation can show others that you are interesting enough that they should take the time to get to know you. Practicing and perfecting such skills will often result in the creation of some amazing pick up lines, which can be reused once altered and will often improve your chances for gaining the interest of others

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Natural Selection Speed Date - Hype Or True Love? by site admin

by Claudia Pate

Just hours after the “Natural Selection Speed Date” event was held on February 7 in New York, commentary and polls sprang up everywhere to discuss the “fairness” of an event wherein wealthy men and beautiful women need only apply.

As for the men, the criteria for wealth ranged from a salary of $200,000.00 for men aged 25 and below to $500,000.00 for men aged 30 and above. A man who was not gainfully employed or did not have a salary within those limits could still qualify with invested assets of at least $1 million or a trust fund of at least $4 million.

The only requirement for the women was that they had to be beautiful, based on the judgment of celebrity matchmaker Janis Spindel. To determine beauty, she required five pictures, nothing more nothing less. No additional information would even be accepted.

According to a blurb on the Pocket Change website, the sponsors of the event, “Pocket Change is honoring the age old union of wealthy men and hot girls. Society has taught us to not publicly acknowledge the obvious - no longer dear friends. Women want money in a man, men want beauty in a woman - this is a factual force of nature. Women don’t ask ‘So, what does he do for a living?’ because they’re interested in his personality and guys don’t ask ‘is she hot?’ because they’re concerned with character. Guys know that money buys them the car, the house and the trophy wife. This genetic cleansing is how the wealthy stay beautiful.”

Wow! What a statement about where we are as a society. While it is true that men are more visual and are thus attracted to women based first on their appearance, what happens when the woman gains weight, becomes ill, or freckles start to show where once there was just creamy, smooth skin? Is she still beautiful or will she be thrown over for a woman who has not gained weight, been stricken by a disease, and has stayed out of the sun to retain her creamy complexion?

And what happens to the man if he loses his job or his investments fail? Does the woman turn her desire to the next man on her list who makes enough money to keep her in the manner in which she is accustomed?

While I do agree that men are attracted by beauty and women don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck, there is much more to relationships and marriage than these two factors. In addition to beauty, which looks different to everyone, and financial provision, which varies from one household to the next, men and women want basically the same thing: to love and to be loved for who they are, not for the money they make or the size of their thighs. No one wants to wake up in the morning only to check their bank account or look in the mirror to see if they will still be married at the end of the day. This world is scarey enough without throwing in the uncertainty of love based solely on such measurements.

In any relationship, attraction is based on a variety of qualities. What is attractive to me isn’t the same as what’s attractive to someone else, but attraction that leads to marriage must be based on more than good looks and money to survive. It must be based on trust, mutual respect, shared interests, love that is actively working toward staying in love, a desire to grow and learn about each other as life changes, and so much more.

In all honesty, if men and women want to date based solely on money and looks, that is going to happen whether there is a planned event or not. I do, however, wonder about the final statement made on the Pocket Change website, “This genetic cleansing is how the wealthy stay beautiful.”

How can this be? Doesn’t it take two to make a child? Wouldn’t it logically take both a beautiful woman and a handsome man to create a beautiful child, or does money plus an ugly man plus a beautiful woman make a beautiful wealthy child? You do the math, but there seems to be a flaw in the logic behind that statement.

A couple of quotes sum it up best. First, Bill Wundram, Iowa Quad Cities Times, says, “In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man’s worth,” and Joanne Woodward, wife of actor and very rich man, Paul Newman, sums it up this way: “Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.”

In the final analysis, love isn’t just riches and it isn’t just beauty. Don’t worry about your bank account or whether one ear is lower than the other, find a man or a woman who loves you for who you are and do the same in return. There is no better substitute.

Claudia Pate is the owner of The Anniversary Shop, an online store featuring modern and traditional anniversary gifts and gifts for all occasions. Learn more about matters of the heart and celebrating wedding anniversaries at Celebrate Wedding Anniversaries.

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What Love Is & Isn’t by site admin

by Ron Steiner

It’s true that there’s no direct, complete definition of love that satisfies everyone. It is not something that can be measured or directly put into words. It is too deep and complex a feeling to describe. However, whenever it manifests itself physically, love is often recognizable. All it takes is a careful eye to know if what you’re feeling is true love or not.

If it’s true love, it involves respect. You claim no sense of “ownership” of the other person. You do not own his or her time, mind, heart, and not even their things. If you are given these things, be glad and be thankful, but under no circumstances are you to assume that you can make decisions for the other person. Do not be offended if your lover has opinions different from your own. Respect your lover’s privacy and individuality.

Loving is being open to change. People are dynamic - their personalities and interests constantly change. Sometimes, this change happens slowly, and sometimes it happens at the blink of an eye. Whatever the change is, and however long it takes, you have to accept it. Even if it means accepting that your lover no longer loves you.

True love can stand the test of time. Being with someone for a long period of time allows you to go through different emotions and periods with that person. If your heart has the strength to weather through these different experiences with your lover, then both you and the relationship will grow stronger.

Love isn’t about winning. Sometimes, you have to let go of a fight. Whenever you “win” a fight with your lover, you don’t actually win. Nobody wins. Love is about a partnership, not a contest of egos. Whenever you feel a fight coming, you have to weigh the consequences and ask yourself “Is this really important?”

Love doesn’t mean that your lover has the responsibility to keep you happy and vice versa. The only person who has the responsibility to make you happy is yourself. While you and your lover can make each other “happier”, you shouldn’t be solely dependent on each other for happiness. The couples who end up being happy together are made up of individuals who were happy to begin with. Keeping yourself happy is a hard enough responsibility, don’t make it harder for yourself by letting another person’s happiness be your responsibility too.

Loving isn’t about restricting the other’s freedom. There’s no reason for you to call your lover every five minutes to check if they’re okay. There’s also no reason for you to be selective about which friends he or she can go out with. If you’re in an exclusive relationship, then the rules of the game dictate that you can only be intimate with your lover. However, this doesn’t mean that you’ll be the only person that he or she can come in contact with. Keep in mind that when people are caged, they will almost always try to break free.

Ron Steiner is 41 years old from New York. He is a featured writer at www.DrDating.com - one of the most complete sources on the Internet for dating advice, dating site reviews and information on dating, relationships and
singles. Get a FREE 7 Day Dating eCourse - “The Ultimate Man’s Guide to Online Dating”.

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Why Men Leave Relationships by Santa Nick

Despite how the media likes to portray them, men have emotions, and these emotions can damage your relationships. Even the strongest of men can be hurt, and even the weakest of men can stand up for themselves. Though at times it may seem that men are not as complicated as women, they can still have complexities that get in the way of having a successful relationship.
Men may break up for a variety of reasons. No matter how hard you try to guess what they may be, chances are you will never know all of them for certain, as most men will keep these emotions inside and not openly share them, no matter how much he loves you. But there are some common reasons that men leave relationships as well. Some of these reasons include:
” Fear of Commitment
Most common in relationships between younger people, men often believe that they need to experience many women before they can be ready to settle down, and this belief can lead to a fear of commitment that can consume the men. Interestingly, it is not uncommon for a man to know that he has found “the one,” and still fear that commitment, as though he needs to experience more life before he is meant to have that feeling.
” Pride
Men have a great deal of pride, and that pride can be easily damaged by someone that they love. It is tough for males to become vulnerable, and once they do their emotions are in the hands of the person that they care about. If you do things that damage his pride, or you are unable to help him reach a healthy ego, you can push him away to the point of leaving.
” Communication
It may come as a surprise, but men do like to communicate, albeit in unconventional ways. Things like the “silent treatment” are simply ineffective at getting men to want to change their ways or deal with the fight. It can be hard for men to express their emotions, but it can be even harder for men to sit there and wait for you to finish being mad at them. They may not show it, but they can easily be hurting inside.
Any Number of Reasons
There are no limitations to why men decide they want to leave relationships. Though the above list represents a few of the possible scenarios, men, like women, can have a lot of different reasons for being pushed away into the belief that the relationship will no longer work. Be careful not to assume you know all of the reasons, and work towards changing those things that you do know.

How to Win Back Your Ex back Please read about Relationships What to do after break up

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Save A Broken Relationship: How To Rescue A Relationship(Relationship Worth Saving) by Sue Cole

How To Save Relationships: How To Save My Relationship(Help Me Save My Relationship)

Methods on The way to Save Your Relationship

Can I Save my Relationship? many people are asking How To Save A Failing Relationship and what methods can be used Rescue Your Relationship. If you have a Relationship Worth Saving you certainly want to find out the best information on How To Save Relationships.
You’ll discover yourself in a troublesome situation with your lover and wonder simply how to rescue your relationship. You’re most definitely not alone! Through the ages, men and ladies have had the exact same aches and problems with love as people still experience today. The same questions are asked worldwide over and over, and this has led to many so-called gurus proclaiming, “This is how to save your relationship!”

In reality, though, there are not any hard and fast rules or steps that you ought to take to be able to to renew your lost love. You should not believe any person peddling a single definite way or telling you the way to rescue your relationship. This is since whereas we are alike in some respects, when it comes down to it, each person and every relationship is additionally different in important ways.

However, in fact, certain pointers may still be detected that is able to be useful to any person in the same difficult circumstances. One of those is going back to basics, or in other words attempting to don’t forget what it definitely was that led to you being attracted to your lover and vice versa. Work on these aspects and take a look at your best to bring them to the forefront of your mind once more. A great deal of relationships fail due to tedium or staleness, and while some might suppose it’s just expected, after all, they just must work. Keep matters fresh, nevertheless true to your roots.

An added guideline is to act as fast as you can without dashing headlong into action. This merely means that you should take some time to consider, yes, nevertheless not too much time, or else you risk losing what could have been something actually great! The chance may pass you by, and leave you behind whereas you are still pondering how to rescue your relationship. I hope the above provided some important information on What To Do To Save A Relationship. Check out the information below for more insights into How To Save A Failing Relationship and before long you should have the answers to Can I Save my Relationship?

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Love – Balance Emotions and Intelligence by administrator

Love is euphoric. Love is enchanting. Love is heavenly. Love is captivating. And Love is something no one can describe. Love has to be felt, it cannot be explained. One cannot fall in love by planning; one just falls in love without realizing. That is love. And love also takes intelligence away like nothing can. In love the most intelligent person may act foolishly, because love overwhelms.

What if you fall in romantic love? It is the beginning of your love and you have no thoughts in your mind except those of your darling. You are dreaming of making a home with her/him and living happily ever after. You are planning, discussing and dreaming. You are as much away from the reality of life as much as day is away from night. You get married. Your friends gather. Your family gathers. There is celebration. The couple looks great. They look to be in so much love with each other. You feel like the luckiest person on the earth. And then you announce divorce after a year. Why?

You never allowed your intelligence any role in your decision to marry. You never thought of what marriage means. You never faced the reality of staying together. If she is north, you are south, and if he loves literature, you love outdoors. Both of you knew about the differences, but both of you ignored them. You never gave attention to them. And some one pointed out the differences and asks you to rethink; he/she was out of your list of friends. But the final outcome was shattering. No divorce ever gives peace and fulfillment.

Please fall in love. Please experience the high of love, real passionate love. And please ask your intelligence few questions before deciding to spend life together. Are we suitable for each other? Are our habits similar? Will we give comfort to each other? Are our expectations real and will they get fulfilled? Are we fit to marry each other? Will our love last? Let intelligence play a role along with your love and then decide. You will never have to announce divorce. You will live happily together forever, because you have made a conscious decision after finding out everything. Are you made for each other? Get some fun with these quizzes from www.funquizcards.com - What kind of guy are you looking for?, How similar are you and your partner?, and Do you have a future together?

Try These Quizzes Related To This Article -
1- Are you a stressed dater?
2- Are you a possessive lover?

C.D.Mohatta writes for romantic ecards and greetings. He mainly writes on motivation, education, love, management, entertainment, etc. He also writes for screensavers and fun tests and quizzes.

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Find The Endless Love - Part 1 - Falling In Love by administrator

by Luke Within

Have you ever been in love? Why did it feel so good? Once you identify that person, the person who seems to be so special, so much better than everyone else, you allow yourself to be filled with an incredible joy. Why do you think this is? This is a very interesting question, but the answer is fairly simple. The person who falls in love is instantly and dramatically transformed, moving from great uncertainty to absolute certainty in virtually the blink of an eye. Even though this transformation may be remarkably short-lived, for most it will remain one of the defining experiences of their life.

Now they know what they really want. A few days earlier there were still a great variety of doubts, some of them perhaps major in their significance, but once they fall in love these doubts fade into the background, now seen as trifling when compared to the massive good fortune which has just fallen their way. Everything becomes incredibly clear. The only thing that really matters is this love, and their greatest wish is that their love is returned. When you fall in love, of course, the chances of this happening must seem at least fairly good, because hope is essential to the very existence of this feeling.

To put it another way, if you don’t feel this deep sense of hope, then you won’t fall in love. This explains why we don’t all fall in love with the glamorous television and movie stars, which we may admire from a distance. The fact is, we understand that their standards are so high and their opportunities so vast, that there is absolutely no chance of them ever falling for us. So, we simply get on with our lives, trying to move forward in some meaningful way, while, perhaps in the background, entertaining the hope that we will one day meet that person who will feel really special to us. When we do, our highest hope is realised, and we feel that our future is brighter than we ever imagined possible.

The introduction of hope on this huge scale always brings deep gratitude and great joy. You now feel that you are the luckiest person alive, completely amazed that you managed to find that one person who could transform your life. You also understand how amazingly unlikely this meeting was, considering the relatively small number of people that you meet in your everyday life, a fact which inspires enormous gratitude to life itself for treating you so incredibly well. Filled with all these wonderful gifts, you finally feel so happy to be yourself, because you are the only one that is being presented with this very special opportunity. True love, it seems, has finally arrived, and this great flood of enjoyment pushes aside the many sad and painful memories, leaving you free to enjoy the present moment as never before. Surely, this is how a human being is really meant to feel: so alive; fulfilled; complete; happy and joyful. But, everything seems to rest on how this relationship develops.

Now, let’s look at some of the qualities that inspire this feeling of being in love. The most obvious element is physical attraction, an observation that gains particularly strong support from those people who relate their personal stories of love at first sight. Of course, this statement usually refers to quite a bit beyond the person’s physical appearance. It may also refer to their style of dress, the way they interact with others and their demeanour. The sound of the person’s voice, what they have to say, and how they respond to your presence, could also play a crucial role in confirming this initial impression. In other words, a great deal of information is conveyed in a variety of ways, occasionally producing the astonishing marvel that we describe as falling in love.

There are certain rules that seem to guide this process. It seems to be the case, for example, that most people will only fall for someone at the appropriate level of attractiveness. Through experience, everyone knows roughly where they stand in this regard and will therefore, generally, not fall in love with someone who is clearly out of their range. Just as the absence of hope prevents us from falling for the stunningly good-looking film and sporting superstars, it also stops us from falling for the very attractive people that we sometimes meet in our daily lives.

Although physical attraction is clearly the most important element for many couples, these relationships are often very unstable. Where partners lack real emotional maturity, for example, selfish considerations will frequently prevail over the wishes of their partner, a tendency that is likely to surface with increasing regularity over time. Then, when the early physical attraction starts to fade, or the inevitable conflict becomes too severe, the union is put under even greater pressure. Predictably, most couples eventually break up under this strain and go their separate ways, but there are many others that simply struggle on, for a wide variety of reasons. These reasons may include the investment already made, the convenience of being together, being married, having children, and so on. Whatever the justifications are, it is extremely unlikely that their home will be a very happy one.

Mature relationships really require two mature individuals, people who are sensible, purposeful, reliable, largely at peace with themselves and well disposed towards others. When partners lack this essential maturity, bitter conflicts are bound to arise, and these battles will certainly pose a major threat to the love that initially fostered such great hopes of future happiness. It is worth noting, however, that there are many degrees of maturity and immaturity, and that these very broad categories are also very flexible. Just as we are all affected by our life’s major events, we will also be affected by the treatment received in our most intimate relationships, and that impact can be either uplifting or degrading. In other words, it may inspire us to become better people, or it may leave us feeling very hurt and confused.

Unfortunately, there is no shortage of damaged people in our present world, a fact that is clearly illustrated by some of the more obvious behaviour problems afflicting our present society: alcohol abuse; drug abuse; solvent abuse; problems with gambling; serious eating disorders; credit abuse; promiscuity; self-mutilation, anti-social and criminal behaviour. Even though this cursory list clearly includes millions of people, with a great variety of personal problems, no one would seriously suggest that this tells the whole story. And, while these people largely represent the far extreme of the spectrum, it should also be added that most of us remain a fairly complicated and constantly changing mixture of mature and immature qualities, which accounts for so much of the unpredictability that we often see in the area of human relationships.

Despite their evident lack of inner peace, most of the people that engage in the kind of destructive and self-harming activities mentioned above clearly retain the capacity to fall in love and to inspire love in others, especially while they remain at least fairly attractive in appearance. But, where they do pursue relationships, their serious personality and character flaws will usually prevent that love from maturing in the way that it really should. And, if the love that is based primarily on physical attraction doesn’t mature, then it will certainly struggle to survive for a prolonged period of time. Although the love of more mature people may also be inspired largely by that same early physical attraction, their more generous natures make it much more likely that this essentially natural process will take place. When this happens, the relationship is transformed, as genuine concern for their partner’s welfare gradually supersedes the early emphasis on personal pleasure.

Another element that often plays a major role in producing romantic love is emotional compatibility. In other words, the two people get on extremely well. They look forward to being in each other’s company, they have lots to talk about and, most importantly, they have so much fun simply being together. Their love takes priority over everything else, with areas of possible disagreement often being entirely excluded from the relationship, since neither party wishes to upset the other. It is only when they are together that they feel this special way, more comfortable and more content than they are at any other time. The combination of physical attraction and emotional compatibility is clearly very powerful, revealing two of the principal elements in generating the feeling that we call love.

Another major element, which is clearly present in all good relationships, is respect for the other person. The existence of respect is actually fundamental to the feeling of being in love, a fact that is clearly illustrated by the universal belief that the loved person is totally beyond all comparison. Sadly, this doesn’t guarantee that they will be treated with great respect, however, because the lover may be far too immature and selfish, traits that invariably produce possessive and controlling behaviour in a dominant partner. Although the feeling of respect is common to all those who fall in love, the actual form which it takes varies widely, depending on the particular values and ambitions of the person who falls in love.

Those who fall in love because they find the other person particularly attractive, or because they revel in their company, for example, obviously feel great respect for their partner’s physical appearance or charming personality. There are many other people, however, who expect even more exceptional qualities in a lifelong partner, something that clearly places them high above all the others. They may require a certain level of status, power, wealth, success, achievement, talent, or at least good prospects in some of these areas, before they are sufficiently impressed to fall in love. Unless those attributes are quite overwhelming, they won’t feel the sense of admiration that makes falling in love possible.

Others, perhaps less superficial in their needs, may only be sufficiently moved by special personal qualities. They may be deeply impressed, for example, by someone who seems to be particularly caring, or courageous, or committed in what they do. Perhaps unable to overcome their own shortcomings, and aware of their personal failure to develop these highly regarded traits in their own life, they then feel intense admiration for that person who appears to be so much more advanced than themselves. Deep down, it seems that they are trying to gain these missing qualities, not in reality, but by being loved by the person who appears to possess them.

Although the deepest love certainly includes genuine respect for your partner’s unique set of personal qualities, the level of respect just described is not necessarily a good thing. Relationships should always be based on a rough equality of respect, not the one-sided respect that this situation seems to involve. Instead of idealising the other person, they would be much better off addressing their own personal weaknesses. Unless they do this, their deep sense of disappointment with themselves will continue to cause serious problems in all their close relationships. If only they could see clearly, they would realise that they must pursue those missing qualities in their own life, surely the best possible preparation for a truly satisfying future.

At this juncture it may be useful to summarise some of the main points which have been made so far, a task which can perhaps be adequately achieved in one single sentence. If you find someone physically attractive, you get on well with them, you respect them, and you have grounds to believe that a relationship with them is a realistic prospect, then you would seem to be a very strong candidate for falling in love. This conclusion could certainly be drawn from the analysis carried out in the early part of this essay. Even the presence of all these elements, however, does not guarantee that someone will fall in love. They may simply enjoy a little flirting, for example, but choose to go no further. How is this possible?

First of all, as was stated earlier, the feeling of being overwhelmed by a deep sense of hope is essential to the experience of falling in love. There are many people, however, who already feel a very strong sense of hope in their life, a fact which appears to explain why they are not so readily influenced. An obvious example is the person who is already involved in a loving relationship and, consequently, feels no great attraction towards anyone else. Then, there are those who feel a powerful sense of purpose in their life, being very much focused on pursuing their own chosen goals. Although they may still choose to take a partner, they are clearly much less likely to feel that this other person’s love is indispensable to their happiness. The deeper the sense of hope you already have in your life, it seems, the less susceptible you are to falling in love.

In other words, you are at your most vulnerable when you are not sure where your life is heading and are aware that something important is missing. But, even then, we may choose not to consider the possibility of a relationship, understanding that this would only complicate our life further. This may be the case for a variety of reasons. Perhaps we have recently had a bad experience of love, suffering the kind of shock that makes us understandably reluctant to risk a repetition. Or, maybe we already have a partner or family, commitments that we still take very seriously, even though there may be serious problems in the relationship. Whatever the reasons are, we recognise that our present circumstances do not allow us to look in this particular direction for our happiness.

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Any comments?
I can be contacted at this email address: billynicol@aol.com
How did I find that love? Well, you can have a look at these 2 websites: http://www.contact-info.net and http://www.tprf.org
People from the UK can visit this website: http://www.wordsofpeace.net
Good luck!

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