Love - Begin With Vigor After Failure by site admin

Defeat in love is very disheartening. You love some body dearly and he/she does not reciprocate your feelings at all. Or you have already gone a long distance with someone and he/she goes alone after that. Any failure in love and dating takes the strength away. It kills something inside and the defeat makes another attempt look very difficult. Is this acceptable. Can life not be carried on after such defeats? Why get disheartened and blame ones fate? Why lower self-esteem? Why do all that self-beating?

Success is not our right, nor failure our destiny. Life is a hurdle race. Every life has its ups and downs. The winner is one who gets up after falling again and again. You will say - Easier said than done. I agree. Failure in love is very destructive. We invest quite a lot in love. After that when we face defeat, we feel cheated and helpless. We feel that fate has dealt poor cards to us. It is no doubt difficult to bear the pain.

What should be done? Analyze why this failure happened/ if you find any fault of your own, please correct it. If you find fault of your beloved, please forgive. Begin making contacts again. Search for your soul mate again. Have faith that this time you will get someone real good and worthy of your love. Forget the past. Erase it. Look at it dispassionately and re energize yourself. It is difficult, but it can be done.

Thinking of past failure will only bring more pain. Visualize yourself becoming successful. Think of all the good days that are waiting for you. Think of a future that will be very bright. Fight every negative feeling with something more positive. Don’t give up. After every fall rise again. Success will be yours. Kindly view these Screensavers on Love. They can help you in overcoming any hesitation - Life In Love Screensavers, Love Thoughts Screensavers and Love Thoughts Wallpapers.

Try These Quizzes Related To This Article -
1- How similar are you and your partner?
2- Do you have a future together?

Writing for romantic greeting cards, screensavers and desktop wallpapers is the hobby of CD Mohatta. You can download romantic screensavers and also solve fun quizzes on love & dating.He also write articles on love.

Article Source: Life Is Cheerful

Love - Why Two People Love Each Other? by site admin

Why do two people love each other? Why do we need someone to love? Why cannot we love ourselves and exist alone? And what is that chemistry that a couple loves each other? Why both should love each other, and no body else? Love is truly a mystery.

The first reason is of course the passion one feels for the other. Call it hormones, mind, heart, emotions or whatever, one falls in love with another person and cannot live without him/her. Physical beauty is not the sole criteria in romantic passionate love. A very beautiful girl can passionately fall in love with an ordinary looking man to the surprise of all. There is something more that is yet to be explored. Ask a lover about why he/she loves her beloved and you will never get a logical answer. Love does not measure qualities, nor sets any standards. Love happens.

Sometimes the love arises out of appreciation of qualities of the other. This love is different than romantic love, but can be equally magnetic. You may get attracted to some persons singing so much that you want to be with him/her at all times. It can be any quality, but it is the appreciation of quality that brings forth this love. In this case the love is passionate love with that quality.

In some cases two persons find so many things alike between each other that they believe they are soul mates. Made for each other, these lovers are bound by the common qualities. What ever may be the reason for falling in love, please fall in love because it is incomparable.

Try These Quizzes Related To This Article -
1- Are you made for each other?
2- How similar are you and your partner?

The author C.D.Mohatta writes fun quizzes and fun tests at http://www.funquizcards.com/ on topics like love, personality, dating, relationships, friendship, movies, tv, music, business, etc. The author also writes for http://www.ecarduniverse.com/ which has free ecards on holidays, birthday, love, friendship, family, expressions, celebrations and all events and occasions. The author also writes articles, advice and ideas at http://www.yourromanceguide.com/ on topics like love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc.

Article Source: Life Is Cheerful

Dating Three To Find The One: Part One by Dr. Diana Kirschner

Love moderately: long love doth so;
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.
~Shakespeare

When it comes to dating, the Bard got it right. Moderation is key. It keeps you from moving too quickly or too slowly when you’re getting to know new men and what they bring to your table. And the most powerful way to achieve moderation is by using the Dating Program of Three.

The Program of Three is exactly the opposite of the urban legend “three-date rule,” which dictates that you must decide by the third date if a guy is the potentially the One and have sex or lose him forever. On this dating program, you avoid that pressured decision and its aftermath: a Flame Out that usually kills the relationship. Instead you date three men at the same time without having sex with any of them. By not seeing any one man too often, you find the men who are really into you and who will stay the course. Plus, you break out of your prison of deadly dating patterns and maneuver more skillfully in the dating world. By following this program, you build your self-esteem and find men that are much more fulfilling.

Although the idea of finding, much less juggling, three guys may sound challenging — if not downright impossible! — let me reassure you: it won’t be once you begin using all the tools you’ll learn in this dating program.

Why It Works

There are sound biological reasons why the Dating Program of Three rocks!

First of all, it helps you avoid the number one mistake that single women make: the addictive moth-to-a-flame over-involvement with some new guy who is supposedly the “One,” which I call the Flame Out Deadly Dating Pattern. As Helen Fisher, the renowned anthropologist, describes in her fascinating book, Why We Love, romantic love is a real addiction. It is like shooting up cocaine or heroin, which means reason often goes out the window. When we “fall in love” our brains make large quantities of dopamine and norepinephrine, which also happens when you take speed! These brain chemicals create the excited, exhilarated and focused state that allows us to have eight-hour dates and remember every detail about what our new hottie did and said. These speed-like chemicals also can drive up our levels of testosterone, which increases sexual desire.

Second, when we fall in love, serotonin levels fall and resemble the levels found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders. So we tend to ruminate, fantasize and obsess about our new (drug-like) boyfriends. The new love is in our thoughts all day and in our dreams at night. Your brain says, focus on him, focus on him, focus on him.

Once this process takes you over, you become like a craving coke addict. You lose touch with reality, seeing only the positives. You lose self-control. Instead you are locked on the target, the fix—hotwired and ready to do outrageous things, sometimes self-destructive things, whatever it takes to be with him. One look, one sweet word is all it takes. Even if you don’t really know him. Even if it is not in your best interests. And as you continue to spend more time together the addiction intensifies. You fall prey to:

…the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover’s whisper,
irresistible—magic to make the sanest [wo]man go mad. ~Homer

If you move too quickly into the pulsing rush of love, you put yourself at risk for an agonizing withdrawal if this man rejects you. Then sleeplessness, crying jags, over- or under eating, obsessive and upsetting thoughts, all mess with your brain chemistry even further.

The Dating Program of Three safeguards you against all these dangers of love addiction. On this program you will see the new hottie less often and have a measured coming together. You will be less likely to lock on to him with a singular focus that puts you at risk. In this way you elegantly avoid getting physiologically and emotionally devastated if it turns out that he is a player or all wrong for you.

The Program of Three also stops you from having sex prematurely. Why is this so important? Simple biology. When you have sex with someone, your body drives up the levels of oxytocin both during the whole sexual act and after you leave the scene. Oxytocin, which has been called the cuddle, bonding, or tend-and-befriend hormone, creates a strong biological attachment. This means that your body may automatically start the attachment process with almost anyone you bed, whether or not you want to be in a relationship with him! Add that chemical to any dopamine surges and you’re desperately waiting for his text, email or phone call. Jumping into bed too soon means you open yourself to premature infatuation, dependency and a kind of pseudo-intimacy that almost always backfires. Then, caught in the chemical soup of dopamine and oxytocin, you will likely lose yourself.

Another benefit of the Program is that dating multiple men usually gets the guys’ juices flowing. Some men (especially achievers) are wired to compete and win in the courtship game, so competitiveness gets them aroused. When his reward (you) is not easily gained, his brain will pump out more and more of the rapturous chemical, dopamine. Extra dopamine intensifies his feelings of being swept away by love. As one love researcher puts it, “…those who want to trigger romance in a would-be lover might artfully create some mystery, barriers and uncertainty in the relationship.” When you are on the Dating Program of Three, you do not have to fake this quality of not being so available—the program automatically accomplishes this desirable state. As one of my Love in 90 students discovered, “Now I don’t have to pretend. I am hard to get.”

Dating three guys helps clarify what you want and need in a man, because you can easily and instantly compare and contrast. So for example, when Friday rolls around and ‘Sean’ is cheap and miserly, Saturday’s date with ‘Randy’ will more clearly showcase his giving nature. When you come from abundance in the land of men, you can give yourself many possibilities rather than just one.

The world is full of abundance and opportunity, but far too many people come to the fountain of life with a sieve instead of a tank car… a teaspoon instead of a steam shovel. They expect little and as a result they get little. ~Ben Sweetland

Program of Three dating is challenging, but it’s truly empowering. It allows you to be long-sighted and keep your eye on the prize: a lasting fulfilling relationship that’s just right for you. It helps you end your Deadly Dating Patterns, frees you from the “three-date rule,” and keeps you protected from all the scenarios designed to break your heart. Of course, there are definitely obstacles to creating a Program of Three, but I’ve helped thousands of women do this already, and you’re no different. You can do it, too!

Getting Started on the Dating Program of Three

I can hear you already. “Dr. Diana,” you might be thinking, “I’m still trying to find ONE man to date. How can I find three?” First of all, listen up, ladies: there are more than 41 million single men just in the U.S. right now and different ones are coming on the market all the time! And every year, there are new online dating sites that bring in whole new crops to choose from. There are men out there. No matter what your age, weight or “problem” is.

What if you have special challenges because you are African-American…over 45…a single mom… or so highly successful you scare men away? In my book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love I devote an entire chapter to this population group. In it, you’ll find the latest research that dispels many of the urban legends that we have about finding a lasting love relationship.

In fact, every student I ever had who was willing to consistently work the principles, no matter what her challenges or deadly dating patterns were, has been able to create a successful Dating Program of Three.

It’s not as hard as it seems. Drew, a 42-year old single executive with weight issues, was the highest bidder at a charity auction where a mentoring session with me over lunch was the prize. Here’s what she emailed me about a year later:

I particularly thought the point of ‘dating three guys at once’ was amusing at first, but then you know…. it worked. Even though at times I knew some guy wasn’t going to be the love of my life, it was still a diversion from getting involved with another guy too fast before I knew it was the right thing. I think this is the best advice ever and have passed it on to several of my friends. Last summer, I joined a large online dating site and ended up meeting a really nice guy, although at first not necessarily what I thought I was looking for. We get along great, have tons in common, and it’s by far the most mature and healthy relationship I think I have ever been in. We got engaged this past October while on vacation in Florence. He proposed in front of the Fountain of Neptune in the Piazza della Signoria. We are planning a wedding for next June on Martha’s Vineyard.

When you begin dating three men at once, you’re shifting the balance of power to be more equitable. Starting now, take a stand for yourself, a stand that says you deserve a great partner. Take your time, learn what is possible in a relationship, and start playing an active role in choosing who you’re with. Don’t wait to be chosen. Now, with all the online and offline possibilities you have an abundance of men at arm’s reach, you have the ability to pick and choose for yourself. In Dating Three to Find the One: Part II, we will detail the nitty-gritty of working the Program.

Dr. Diana Kirschner is a psychologist and love expert who has developed a unique approach that has helped thousands of single women get the love they want. Dr. Diana’s dating and relationship advice based on her Love in 90 Days courses and workshops have been featured on the Today Show, where she is a frequent guest, the Morning Show with Mike & Juliet, Montel Williams and Good Morning America. She is widely quoted as a love and relationship doctor commenting on dating and couples issues in the New York Times, USA Today, Time Magazine, The New York Post, The LA Times, Cosmopolitan, and People magazines and in numerous other on- and off-line publications. Her new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, summarizes all of Dr. Diana’s strategies and secrets for finding love that lasts.

Psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, appeared on Oprah and is a frequent guest on the Today Show. For 25+ years she has helped thousands of single women find love. Her acclaimed new book is Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. For her etips, blog, dating articles, daily affirmations & discussion forum visit http://www.lovein90days.com

Article Source: Yournetadvisor.com

Service Related to Online Dating: The Advantages & Useful Tips by John B Mayall

The services related to online dating happen to be a new occurrence of this generation. Previously there has been blind dating, matchmaking services & speed dating, all so that a person looking for a date can have a more convenient approach to a prospective date and begin a romantic relationship.

But today times have changes and so have the forms of dating services and what has taken a over is online dating. Websites have combines services like emailing, dating, blogs & chat room and put that all together to provide an unrivaled form of dating that’s purely available online so as to support match making.

Previously this form of dating was not widely accepted but things have changed and today

people have taken to online dating like a duck to water.

The world is today a small place thanks to Internet and you can talk to the world via such services. It allows for online socializing by the way of community building.

You can use online dating to make friends or being a new relationship with a complete stranger. As it happens the choice of person whom you would like to get acquainted with sole depends on you.

A few websites need your subscription. A form is required to be filled to complete the subscription. Incase certain requirements are attained by you the site shall introduce as per preferences stated.

A large number of websites do not charge a fee for subscription. But on such websites the process of locating a person of your interest rests on you.

Such services providers for online dating are many. You shall have to locate a few and decide which website falls in your parameters. Online websites for dating can be for old people, widowed or divorced, singles while there are sites that cater to the requirements of lesbians & gays too.

If you want to locate a website for online dating purpose then just type the same keywords in a search engine site and you will have the desired results in a matter or seconds. On the same instance you shall receive results for hundreds of such websites and then once you have read the reviews for a few you shall have an overview of which one provides what kind of services. Once you know what service you would like to opt for you can straight away proceed you registering for that website’s services.

There are a few things that should be kept in mind while going all out with searching a person who can be a prospective date. The 1st and foremost thing is that work your way to a person slowly. There is no need to hasten into matters & be aware of things that sound that extra bit more inviting. Incase your new date is asking to meet you when you have just about met then decline it at first. Build a nice rapport via the means emails or text messaging.

What you should also take care of is that not to give your contact number, residential address, name, work address etc at an early stage of meeting your date.

All these things might sound quite scary but then there are huge number of individuals who have tried these methods and found success so if the service is good for so many then you will not be an exception. There happen to be certain people who are there just for having fun and would not like to commit to a steady relationship. And if you can take note of some precautions and follow them then you are keeping yourself safe from such heartbreaks.

Photographs too can be asked for so that you not only have a reasonable idea of the appearance of your prospective date but in doing so you shall also come know about their interest in you.

Some dating sites also support voice chatting. This feature is an absolute substitute for the conventional phone, since you do not want to give away your contact number this will allow you to have a voice conversation.

Thus prior to attempting to go on a conventional one on one date with that person you should follow the above mentioned steps so as to avoid being disappointed.

Discover new dating agency services online as well as australian free online dating for australian surfers when you visit the online free dating resources, http://www.onlinedatinghip.com

Article Source: Yournetadvisor.com

Consider Playing Games at Your Wedding Reception by Joshua Safee

There is no right or wrong way to host a wedding reception. You do want it to be a fabulous affair though that people enjoy attending. Why not add some new elements that they don’t get all the time? Playing games at your wedding reception can be a terrific way to get everyone in on the fun. For those that have been to traditional wedding receptions, this is going to be something they will always fondly remember.

These games should be spread out during the reception and you should let your DJ or band know about them. In fact, these are perfect opportunities for them to take a break from the fabulous job they are doing. They will appreciate that on your part and it will allow them to return rejuvenated and ready to continue.

It is a good idea if you can have your friends and family host these games for the wedding reception though. The spotlight should be on the bride and groom so they don’t need to be telling everyone the rules of the game and what will be played. You should have enough people you can rely on to step up and take care of this for you.

Since people attending will know the bride and groom on many different levels, a game of trivia about them is a great way to play. You can divide the guests up into teams by table or other means so that they can try to come up with the right answers. Take turns asking each group a question and they have to decide on a group answer. If they don’t get it right move to the next table until someone gets it right.

You can open up the microphone and allow people to tell their funniest story about the couple. The catch here is that it has to be involving both the bride and the groom in some form of the story. Limit the number of people that will tell stories and then let the guests vote on which one they thought was funniest. The one with the most votes is your winner. This is a great way for the entire group of people attending the wedding reception to learn some fun things about the couple.

It is amazing what some people will carry around with them in a pocket or purse. Make a list of various items and see who can find them fastest. A collaborated effort of teams is a good idea. You can go through the entire list and the team that has the most of them will win. Make some off the wall items appear on your list too just to see if anyone has them!

Kids can get bored at a wedding reception so try to think of some games for them. A few rounds of musical chairs can be what they need to get up and run around a bit without getting in trouble. The benefit to this is that they will then be less likely to do so during the remainder of your wedding reception. If you have lots of balloons, you can also allow them to try to pop them for a game towards the end of the event.

Try to come up with some great gifts to present to the winners when you choose to play games at your wedding reception. This will be a way for you to express your thanks to all of them that decided to take part in it. You don’t have to make the gifts expensive either though so don’t let that eat away at a chunk of the budget you have in place for your wedding.

Wedding receptions or wedding venues are always the first important thing that a new couple should consider when they planning their wedding. Ambassador lounge is one of the wonderful wedding venues Sydney.

Article Source: ShortWriteups.com

Creative Ideas For Decorating Your Wedding Reception by Joshua Safee

One of the many things you will need to decide when you plan a wedding reception is how you are going to decorate it. You need to have a plan early on because you want to be able to purchase all of the supplies for that occasion. Make sure you have looked inside of the location so you know how much of the supplies you will need as well. This is important because if you over decorate then it will be hard for people to focus on it all. However, if you don’t have enough decorations for the size of the location the look will seem unbalanced.

Your ideas for decorating need to be easy enough to put in place the day before the wedding or the morning of. Don’t forget that they will need to be cleaned up afterwards as well. There should be some rules in place with the location where you are having your wedding reception so keep those in mind. Your thoughts for decorating indoors will likely be very different from those for an outdoor occasion. You also have to be aware of the weather so it doesn’t ruin what you have put out there. For example candles and candies can melt easily outdoors.

Crepe paper is a very common item to use for decorating at a wedding reception. You can get the two colors that match the wedding and that will help to keep the look of it all consistent. You can also think about a theme that you would like to put into place. For example if you are going to take a vacation to the Bahamas you can have a beach theme. You can add buckets, shovels, and even seashells to the tables to decorate them.

As you are exploring various types of decorations you can review what wholesalers have to offer you. Often you can get great quality items from them but for a very low price. Who says that decorating for your wedding has to be expensive? Go to party stores and see what you can get on sale there. Many dollar stores have things you can use too. Just because you pay a low dollar amount for them doesn’t mean they can’t look great.

If you aren’t looking for a fun theme why not go with something that is elegant? You can do this with some great looking bells to hang from the ceiling as well as wonderful centerpieces. Candles are a nice way to decorate and you can even allow your guests to take them home at the end of night. Bottles of champagne with customized labels are a great idea for decorating at your wedding reception too.

Too many new couples get wrapped up in trying to outdo other weddings that they have been to. Don’t let that happen to you because when it is all over with you will have that cost to deal with. Instead focus on decorating in a tasteful manner that you will be content with. Come up with your own ideas, borrow them from others, or make a combination of the two. Look online as well as in magazines to get good ideas. Collect pictures too so you can sit down and compare them.

Your wedding reception is a time to celebrate your lives together as a couple. Therefore it should be a reflection of both of you. The ideas you incorporate for decorating at the wedding reception need to be something that both of you are very comfortable with. At the same time you want to make sure you have plenty of help to get the decorations in place and taken back down.

Wedding receptions or wedding venues are always the first important thing that a new couple should consider when they planning their wedding. Ambassador lounge is one of the wonderful wedding receptions Sydney.

Article Source: ShortWriteups.com

Swinger Travel- Journey of romance and pleasure by john lewisII

Earlier the couples usually made out to each other and in closed places like their homes, hotel rooms, etc. as the society couldn’t accept the openness of this kind of sexuality and such a lifestyle. But with time passing by, the concept of swinger travel is gaining popularity amongst the singles as well as the couples who want an erotic trip to spend some valuable and lovely time with their partners for maintaining freshness and love in their relationship.

Certainly, people have started to accept and adapt to the modern lifestyle and that is the reason, why they are opting for swinger travel, since, this automatically supporting the establishment of swinger communities and clubs in various localities. People often enjoy themselves while doing their erotic activities with swinger travel clubs and communities.

The changing trend has shifted up the people to swinger travel. People are now taking break from their regular life and moving towards swinger travel, to plan a vacation in various swinger resorts and clubs and spend a good quality time with their love one’s.

The swinger travel, the modern lifestyle is very much open to all kind of people with different sexual orientation. So whether you are a heterosexual or bisexual, you can swing into the lifestyle and relish your fantasies with multiple partners.

There are various on line swinger travel web portals available form where you can book swinger tickets to your favorite destination. These portals provide you the detailed information about the cruise and resorts. They’ll give you each and every detail about the swinger activities, facilities and entertainment modes available at the destination place. Some travel portals also give the facility to drop ticket at your home. If you want to enjoy your swinger trip by enjoying sexual activity on a deck with sea facing water then you can plan a travel to swinger cruise. You can also book ur erotic trip in a private yach through these web poratls.

About the author:–

John Lewis is a renowned writer who has been writing articles on the lifestyle needs of people. He keeps the reader updated with the latest news about swinger travel and swinging behaviors. So, bookmark the page and keep reading his swinger travel content.

Article Source: Swinger Travel- Journey of romance and pleasure

Love & Romance books: Good Books to Read Anytime by Shruti Singh

The topic of love has been one on which large number of fictional works have been written. Well known authors like John Shore, Arthur Golden, Audrey Niffenegger have written many wonderful books on this topic and some of the latest love books that they have been written have been best sellers.

The act of writing works of fiction is quite a difficult one and it requires an immense amount of creativity. Moreover, when the topic or the subject on which the fictional works are written is love, then the difficulty factor is even more.

Being a writer of love & romance books, therefore, requires lots and lots of creativity. However, another requirement for being a good writer on this topic is having the capability of thinking out of the ordinary.

There are many well known writers in the world who have made a name for themselves by writing books on the topic of love and romance. The works of each and every one of these writers are extremely good and, therefore, must be read.

Writers like Arthur Golden and John Shors have written wonderful books on the topic of love. In fact, one of the love & romance books that has been written by John Shors has been ranked right on the top of a list of top 5 love & romance books that have been written. This list has been created by a well known survey website.

This particular book of John Shors is known as ‘beneath a marble sky’. The backdrop of the storyline of this book has been set in the Mughal era during the time of Shah Jahan. Hence, the title of the book actually refers to the Taj Mahal.

Although, it has been put forward by historians that the Taj Mahal was created by the aforementioned Mughal king in the 17th century, however, no one knows the truth behind the creation of this wonderful monument.

The writer of ‘Beneath a Marble Sky’ has written the story using his imagination and he has done quite a wonderful job. This book is perhaps, one of the most intriguing works of fiction that has ever been written.

Another wonderful book that has been written on the subject of love and is a work of fiction is called ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’. This book has been written by Arthur Golden who is a well known writer and has many best-sellers to his credit.

The way in which this book has been written makes a reader feel that he or she is actually reading an adaptation of a true story. This period of the second world war is the one during which the story of this book is based. It is one of the most captivating books and, therefore, should be read by everyone apart from the hard core love & romance book admirers.

The two examples of the books that have their stories based on the subject of love are two of most wonderful examples that can be given. The latter of the two examples has in fact seen a movie made out of it with the movie being quite a success. Love & romance books are, therefore, extremely interesting books that one can read.

For more information visit: Online book store, Thriller books, love & romance books.

Article Source: Love & Romance books: Good Books to Read Anytime

Relationships: The Art of Listening by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

In 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, “Conjoint Family Therapy.”

In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called “Parent Effectiveness Training.” In the book he taught parents to “active listen,” which means to reflect back to the speaker the feelings and information they are trying to convey.

Mirroring, or active listening, is a powerful tool, but whether or not it works depends upon your intent.

If you are active listening to another with an agenda to get them to see what they are doing wrong, or to get them to listen to you after you listen to them, then your intent in listening is to control. The person you are listening to can easily pick up the energy of control and will get angry or go into resistance. Listening with the intention to control backfires and just creates confusion in communication.

However, active listening from a true desire to understand another’s feelings and point of view can be magical. When you listen to learn and understand, rather than to control, you give the other person a great gift.

We all want to be heard and understood. While it is our responsibility to hear and understand ourselves - our own feelings and needs - and take loving action for ourselves, it also feels wonderful when someone we care about hears and understands us. This is the basis of emotional intimacy.

When I work with couples, I teach them that there are only two healthy ways of dealing with conflict:

1. Move into an intent to learn
2. Speak your truth and lovingly disengage

MOVING INTO AN INTENT TO LEARN

When you really desire to understand another, you move into an intent to learn - both about yourself and about them. Actively listening to the other is a major aspect of learning. When you really want to deeply know another, you listen carefully and mirror back to them what you hear them saying and feeling. It is not a matter of agreeing with them, but of understanding them. It is not about changing them or changing yourself, but about really hearing them and attempting to see the world through their eyes - understanding the good reasons they have for feeling and behaving as they do.

For example:

Your partner: “I’m still angry at you for being late and not calling me when you know I worry about you.”

You: “I hear you saying that it’s really unsetting to you when I don’t call when I’m going to be late. You feel I don’t care about the fact that you worry.”

Your partner: “Right. If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t want me to worry.”

You: “I understand. It hurts your heart when you know that I know you worry and I don’t seem to care about that.”

Partner: “Yes, that’s exactly right. So if you understand this, are you going to start to call me when you are late?”

You: It sounds like you believe that if I understand you, then I will change - that I have no good reasons for not calling, is that right?

This dialogue can go on until it feels complete to both of you.

Your partner may or may not want to hear why you were late without calling, and you need to let go of getting him or her to hear you. That’s the hard part!

SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH AND LOVINGLY DISENGAGING

There are times when, even if you are open to learning and really want to understand another, the other is just intent on attacking and blaming you. When this is the case, you might want to speak your truth and lovingly disengage. This looks like saying something like: “I’d love to talk with you about this when you stop being angry,” and then walking away, keeping your heart open. This means that you are not withdrawing in anger or blame. You are staying in compassion for yourself and the other person so that when he or she opens, you have no residue because you have taken full responsibility for yourself.

Once the other person is no longer angry and blaming, you might want to again open to learning and active listening to them - with no agenda that he or she listens to you. True listening is an act of giving with no expectation of anything in return. It is a kind and loving way to interact with someone you care about. It is a great gift.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Ready to join the thousands who have discovered real love and intimacy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.

Article Source: Happy Living Articles

Is Your Relationship Causing You Stress? by Melissa Smith

Perhaps nothing is as important in our lives as our relationships with other people. It has often been said that a happy family is the key to success. Much of our joy comes from our memories of Thanksgiving dinners around the dining room table or Christmas presents exchanged in the family room. But it is also true that the relationships that provide us with so much happiness can also be a source of stress.

Mental health experts say that our interpersonal relationships can increase our stress level. Since it is not possible-nor advisable-to eliminate these relationships from our lives, we have to work hard to ensure that our relationships do not get the better of us. This means focusing our attention on the inherent stressors within relationships, and doing our best to eliminate or at least reduce stress where possible.

One of the major stressors in relationships is a communication problem. For instance, you may become angry at your mate because he or she fails to do chores around the house. However, the bigger issue at stake is the fact that you feel as if your mate doesn’t really love you. By bridging the communication gap-by articulating exactly what your needs are in a loving and supportive way-you can help ease the tension in your relationship.

Another source of stress can be a feeling that your mate is not supportive of your efforts, either at home or at work. You may feel as if your spouse doesn’t appreciate all your hard work and effort. This could, in turn, lead you to attempt to overachieve, thinking that, by doing so, you will win your mate’s support and love. However, such a tactic could backfire, causing you more stress than you need.

But your relationship with your spouse may not be the only relationship that is causing you stress. You may also be burdened by problems in your relationship with your parents. For instance, you might feel as if your parents disapprove of your career choice, your choice of spouse, or your choices when it comes to parenting your children. The fear of disapproval can lead to tension which can, in turn, give rise to stress. By trying to understand your parents’ perspective, you can help smooth out the tensions in your relationship. Also, attempt to boost your self-confidence, as far as your decision-making capability is concerned. This will help you to recognize the fact that your parents’ disapproval will not break you-that you can learn from their criticism and can become a better person for it.

Sibling rivalries can also cause a great deal of stress. You might feel as if you constantly need to compete with your brother or sister-that you need to have the better car, the prettier wife, the bigger house, the more prestigious job. If this is, indeed, the case, you might need to re-order your priorities. Recognize that your brother or sister is a talented individual, that he or she should be respected and appreciated. Realize that competition between siblings is seldom helpful and more often counter-productive. Once you stop trying to openly compete, you might find that your sibling calls a halt to the competition as well. In this way, you can both learn to find common ground-to work together rather than against each other.

In addition, you may experience stress in your relationship with one of your co-workers. You might experience continual conflict, as you continue to disagree on the most minuscule details. If the conflict appears to be overwhelming, you may need intervention by a supervisor in order to get your stress level under control. The worst thing you could do is to let things simmer until they reach the boiling point.

It should be noted here that you cannot eliminate stress entirely from your relationships. However, it is possible to minimize it. By engaging in effective communication, trying to view conflicts from the other person’s perspective, and dealing with differences of opinion openly and honestly, you can reduce the amount of stress in your interpersonal relationships. You may find that you are a great deal happier and even healthier as a result of such stress-busting techniques.

Melissa Smith is the leading expert in the field of treatment for panic attacks and anxiety help. For more information on tips to stop these anxiety attacks, visit her website today.

Article Source: Happy Living Articles